self harm

1:50 p.m
at home online..

okay, hello again everyone. i was just scrolling down my blog and i found this post from one of my followers. read this. if you didn't have that kind of experiences ever happened to you, then appreciate with what you already have now. help those who are still searching for their happiness. value your life!

I’m in the mood to tell what goes on with me. No one knows the majority of this information.

I’m 15 and live in Maryland. I am a Sophomore.

It all started when I got to 8th grade. I found out one of my oldest friends was going to be going to my school soon. I was so excited. This was back when I was happy. Keep in mind, I never have been popular or anything like that. So my friend comes to the school and he becomes popular. I didn’t think of it much because we still hung out a lot. He started to make jokes about me, calling me names. I thought it was what friends did; just screwed around with each other like that. It got worse and worse though. He got some of his popular friends to do it to me as well. In 8th grade, I wasn’t exactly in shape. This was the worst of it all. Getting called fat every day. Skipping gym class so I didn’t have to change into my uniform in front of everyone. I was in hell. I made it to the end of the year. I thought, high school will be better, I was wrong. The same thing happened freshman year. I have only a few friends that I can consider friends. I don’t have a best friend. I don’t have anyone to talk to. In September, 2012, I started to cut. I still do it to this day. My right leg is full of scars. I have lied so many times in my life to cover it all up. I lied to people on the only place I have real friends. I get called names everyday of school. I hate school. I hate going and I hate the people there. Then I start to think when I get home; all of these things are true. I’m ugly, I will never have a girlfriend, I’m fat, I’m all that. People say don’t worry about what others say. It’s not exactly easy when it follows you everywhere. When it’s in your head and it’s all you can think about.
It’s February, 2013 now. I cut almost every day. I’m getting worse every day. I don’t know how many more insults I can take. I don’t know if I can make it through high school. If I had the resources, I think I would have ended it all already. I hate it here. I’m ugly and I will never rise to anything. I will always be a failure.

I mentioned how I told lies to the only people I could call friends. I cover everything up. You would think I was fine if you talked to me. I don’t like to talk to people. Hell, the only person I ever talked to, I lied and told them everything was great. Told them I never self harmed. Told them a whole load of lies just to cover it up.

This is me. This is my life. This is what I do.


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